Saturday, March 18, 2006

Articles of language, faith, and clothing (or lack thereof)

The church is true. You know which one I mean. The church. And what do I mean by "true"? Well, accurately or metaphorically reflective of reality, fact, and the state of being of the universe, of course. Ire invited, blood boiling? Good. Then read on.

One of my favorite posts is Protean's "I believe" which challenged me to determine a list for myself. Then Elbow's recent post mentioned what he knows "Thus Far" and gave me the impetus to actually do it. But I'll do it in my own style. I'm far from "that guy" with unwavering confidence in the church. I'm not the guy who never doubts, never questions, and has fortified himself with a philosophical barrier that accepts all positive evidence as affirming while denying all contrary evidence a priori. But I've squarely faced my doubts and examined them. With some, I continue to struggle. I've weighed the evidence and decided how much of an investment in faith is necessary, and I've decided it's a blue chip effort.

Like many gay Mormons, I stand here under this beautiful tree munching on some damn good fruit, when I get distracted by some jeering. On the other side of the river is a large, beautiful building with a bunch of hot guys inside joking around and having a good time. The bare-chested Calvin Klein model on the patio pulls up a chair and gestures for me to come join in and have some fun. It's not an illusion, it's real. And I have to choose between the sweet fruit I have, and the glitzy indulgence across the river. Maybe I can load a backpack with fruit and take it with me? I could try, but it's probably a delusional effort because the river I would have to cross has a pretty stiff current. And look there are men drowning there now... I've been given some good advice on what to do, assuming 1) I'm not dreaming, and 2) the fruit is real.

I believe in the church, and that ends up sketching an outline for my entire belief system despite the doubts. My doubts in the church center on perceived conflict between science and the church, the church's cultural and social positions both currently and in the past, and doubts about actions of the leadership--both locally and globally in the church. I'll talk about these doubts and my faith in the next few posts. As always, civil comments will be appreciated.


Index of "I believe" posts
Articles of language, faith, and clothing (or lack thereof)
I believe in belief
I believe in equality
I believe in more
I believe in tolerance
I believe in science
I believe in gratitude
I believe in tragedy
I believe in triumph

5 comments:

Dave Walter said...

And I have to choose between the sweet fruit I have, and the glitzy indulgence across the river.

But there can be sweet fruit on both sides of the river, yes?

Gay Mormon said...

I'm excited to hear about some of your concerns with the church. I'm especially interested in how you reconcile those doubts. For a very long time, I just accepted that I don't/can't understand everything.

These days, I seem to know less and less about what is true/right. Hope you're well.

-L- said...

But there can be sweet fruit on both sides of the river, yes?

Sorry, Dave, I didn't write the script (just spiced it up a bit!). There was only one tree of life in Lehi's dream, and the folks who left the tree left the fruit as well.

Foxx said...

I'm looking forward to your next few entries. I'm always on the lookout for new angles, new things to think about. Thanks for your candid style.

Dave Walter said...

I didn't write the script

We're following different scripts...