I'm amazed by the common experience I've seen since browsing gay Mormon blogs. I particularly liked this story (regards to GayMormon, from whose blog sidebar I stole this link). I could have practically written this story except that I'm not that good of a writer and the names don't quite match my life. If you have a look, The first and fourth articles are by the same guy and I liked them better than the other two.
I've seen the angst described much better than I could myself. The hopes for a future with a wife, and the hopes for an unknown future that may not include a wife. I've seen the temptation described similar to those I've faced myself. There are those who believe that being gay and being a part of the church are not mutually exclusive, those who think it abundantly clear that they are indeed impossible to combine, and those who have left the church to find their peace. And many kind, supportive, and understanding comments throughout several blogs from one who is a "recovering Mormon" and one who has little to do with the church but is genuinely concerned with gay men struggling with their sexuality.
How in this maelstrom of thought, anguish, and faith can all these different conclusions have come about? Is consensus possible, or desirable? Should I indulge my desire to win people to my own way of thinking or just sit back and enjoy the diversity? If I seek to influence others am I motivated by my own smug pride or a genuine belief that I might help them?
I think most of all I like the idea of fellowship. Perhaps even in a one-sided way in which I have a window into someone else's soul, but they don't know (or don't care) that I'm there. Thanks to all whose blogs I did or didn't mention who have strengthened, informed, and challenged me.
5 comments:
I don't believe that consensus is possible. Each person must decide for themselves what is the most right for them. For some, their religion is the most right, for others, it is not. Some choose one or the other, some choose to find a way to blend the two. Ultimately, what your heart, soul, and spirit tell you are right for you will be the things that make you happy.
And although it seems desirable to have consensus (and certainly, if there were undeniable evidence to the one side or the other, young gays struggling to reconcile their sexuality would have it easier than I), the diversity engenders an individualization of your own struggle. It becomes less about conformity to a consensus and more about how you feel and what you really want out of life. I prefer the diversity. All of those bloggers you linked to have given me things to think about, and have helped me to grow.
"Should I indulge my desire to win people to my own way of thinking or just sit back and enjoy the diversity? If I seek to influence others am I motivated by my own smug pride or a genuine belief that I might help them?"
The thing about this topic is that there are a lot more difficult questions than easy answers.
I enjoy the fellowship also, that's why I keep reading all my fellow gay mormons' blogs even though most of the time I don't agree with them.
Very thoughtful, thank you.
I think you are great!
Your blog is wonderful, and your comments are more than helpful. You are sympathetic, and empathetic while providing a good dose of reality.
Having you in "our community" is not a question of acceptance, it is a matter of reality. Your comments and experiences are just as valuable as any of ours.
It is aparent that your ability to summarize all of the gay mormon crew is a sign that you have important things to say.
Thank you.
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