Salacious me

After Beck took my last post personally, but before the ensuing satire and commentary on people being over-sensitive, I wrote to Beck privately and offered this assessment of the issue:

...It's really hard to know how to interact with other people, because the blogs tend to get so argumentative. For better or worse, people jump all over themselves to protect friends from other friends, to take sides. It's tiring to me.

When it's about pointing fingers and accusations and blame, it's perfectly understandable to feel attacked and defensive. I don't mind admitting that the way I wrote the post was borderline snarky, and the comments were edgy too. Bringing up "covenants" was relevant, but not tastefully approached. It came across as manipulative (if not accusatory).

And, for that matter, I'm guilty of being salacious on my blog myself. I known this. I don't deny it. But, I recognized a while back that it wasn't really right, even though people seemed to enjoy the humor and explicitness. I was one of the first to justify such use of edgy expression, and now I've started to see what kind of an impact it can have.

As much as I want to believe that I'm a grown-up and I can discuss adult things with other adults and can't be expected to censor and edit for every reader who comes along, I've heard complaints from real people that it has been disappointing and hurtful. In my less prideful moments I admit that church leaders have counseled on this very topic, and letting virtue garnish my thoughts unceasingly doesn't apply to some of my past approaches.

I knew it wouldn't fly to just guilt people into not using erotic pictures (despite that it appears to many that that's what I'm trying to do), but I thought a personal appeal from a long-time reader who has genuine interest in visiting your blog might persuade you and others to accommodate me. For many of us, blogging is a personal journey AND a way to encourage and uplift others. To the extent there's a community and resulting awareness of influencing others, it seems a reasonable thing to look at.

I know you've already said you will be mindful of me it may seem like I'm just beating a dead horse. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from and that I don't look down on you or hold myself blameless or anything like that...

In the words of a close friend, "I just laugh thinking about defensive, bitchy homos jumping up to defend one another." Well, hopefully we all got a good chuckle out of it. And, I will probably continue to try to carpet the world, if I think it's a good thing to do. Hmmm... maybe red shag...

Journaling

Blogging, apparently, isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be in terms of personal journaling. It is pretty great, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t have the same feeling as writing in a personal journal on the computer. On my computer, for years I’ve written my inner-most thoughts with very little (if any) regard for how they might be interpreted by others. When I blog, I write for an audience. I always keep the reader mind—trying to remember the most entertaining anecdotes, the cleverest ways of putting things. I think I do this even while trying to convince myself that I don't. I suppose there’s a value to both approaches. If I were someone reading a personal history, I’d want one that had been tailored to be relevant and succinct, not the meanderings of a bothered mind (as my computer journal entries tend to be).

The other issue I’ve been dealing with is the evolving multiplicity of places where I record my thoughts. I have a family blog, a personal blog, several group blogs, an anonymous blog, and a private blog (online but password protected). All those places tend to get confused, and while I have what seems to be a good reason for each of those places existing, sometimes just sorting out what goes where seems to take more effort than I want to put forward, so I just don’t write anything at all.

Over time, blogging seems to have become just a de facto part of what I do--how I make sense of life. Currently, time limits what I can do. And, for that matter, I don't find I need the therapeutic outlet right now that I have at other times. But it's there, and I'm glad. And so is the computerized journal. With the all the places for outlet, with all the friends-both online and off, it's a system I'll keep.

Healing power of Christ

At times we may despair that our burdens are too great. When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciples in the storm, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?" (Mark 4:38). At such times we should remember His reply: "Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" (v. 40).

The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ—whether it removes our burdens or strengthens us to endure and live with them like the Apostle Paul—is available for every affliction in mortality.

-Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Something really great has been happening to me. Not to be dramatic, but I think my New Years' Resolutions have really helped me be happier. It's either that, or all the vitamin supplements I'm taking in conjunction with my 2007 fitness plan.

Not long ago I felt like I was in the depths of inaction. No matter how much I thought about change or wrote about change or wanted change, I just couldn't get myself to think or believe or behave any differently than I had for years. I didn't know what I was going to do. I prayed with no immediate answer. I just kept going. I've been thinking and hoping and gearing up to get my act together for months.

And now, somehow, I think it's working. I feel better. I'm cleaner, healthier, and more motivated to do the things in my life that I know will be good for me.

I really enjoyed listening to Elder Oaks' talk again while I was jogging along today. It reminded me of all the reasons I still hope and believe and worship Jesus Christ. He's really our advocate and loves us more than we can imagine. There's something magical about the atonement--otherworldly. And yet here it is influencing my actual life in a wonderful way. I'm grateful for that healing and I pray I can have the faith and faithfulness to continue to heal in Christ.

Boring post

I'm going to start my New Year's Resolutions early. Like, today. Then I'll get all my false starts out of the way before the real thing.

And this is important enough, I suppose to warrant a blog post. Too bad the important things in life--trying harder and basic obedience--are the most boring.

Here's my tentative list:

• Read scriptures daily
• Exercise 6 times a week
• Manage to not be sarcastic and nasty, even when it's really really tempting.
• Be more tidy