Sunday, May 28, 2006

Living a lie

Three times today I've seen references to people lying to themselves. Once by a gay man in reference to when he was living within the constraints of the Mormon church, once by a gay man in reference to another gay man who has chosen a straight marriage and to remain true to the church, and once in an editorial in reference to affirming gays.

The last reference says, in part:
He believes he is homosexual and has found some seasonal peace in being "honest" about who he believes himself to be. The real tragedy of this story, as well as the doctrinal reality in it, is that this young man has been deceived into being honest about a lie.

It sort of makes me tired. Each person being a law unto themselves. That's what personal revelation is about, right? Getting a feeling about something and then believing it at the expense of all else to be true to yourself. Looking for "inner" truth. Oh, wait, is that arrogance and wishful thinking? I'm so confused. Why didn't anyone say, "I am at this very moment living a lie." I guess people are all deceived rather than lying (which implies self-awareness of the deception) and it takes an outsider (or a new improved self) to spot it. Too bad all the outsiders disagree. They probably all think I'm living a lie. And I disagree... but then, I would.

8 comments:

Foxx said...

That is precisely why it is important to develop a strong sense of self-awareness.

Dave Walter said...

I love this:

... this young man has been deceived into being honest....

-L- said...

That is precisely why it is important to develop a strong sense of self-awareness.

Is it self awareness that allowed you to identify your friend's "living a lie"? I'll bet he thought he had loads.

Kim Mack said...

What's fascinating, L, is that even though I have an amazing sense of self-awareness and I am convinced I am not living a lie by not acting on my homosexual feelings, so many others are convinced I'm living a lie. Perhaps they have evolved past their own self-awareness into even "other-awareness" and have it fine tuned enough that they can tell when someone's living a lie, even when that person can't tell, and even when that person is sure they are at peace. Hmm... I love the topic, a fine study in human rationalization and justification.

Chris (hurricane) said...

Once by a gay man in reference to when he was living within the constraints of the Mormon church....

To clarify -- it wasn't living within the constraints of the Mormon Church that made me feel like I was living a lie. It was being unwilling to acknowledge my sexuality to anyone else or to take any steps toward integrating my sexuality into my life. Mormonism certainly played a role in that, but I've never thought it was as simple as just stepping outside of Mormonism. There had to be acknowledgments made to myself and then to others in my life in order for me to feel like I was living honestly.

-L- said...

So, hurc, would you say someone who keeps their sexuality (e.g. SSA) and the nuances thereof private, to be living a lie, or just... private?

Sorry for mischaracterizing your statement. Thanks for the clarification.

Chris (hurricane) said...

No, I don't think someone who keeps their sexuality private is living a lie. There are myriad reasons to keep one's sexuality private, some good, some not so good. But not being public about it isn't necessarily a sign of living a lie.

Foxx said...

Self-awareness allows me to identify what things I'm doing to live a lie and how to escape into honesty. I think it's important to see what choices others are making and decide whether ot not I could honestly be in their shoes.

It was this person's reality distortion that made me question their honesty.

And I am not implying that all people who are in mixed-orientation marriages are living a lie. I know only that I could not do it and be honest with myself, and that there are probably other people like me in the world.