Thursday, May 18, 2006

Approval

I used to feel that I had to have the love and approval of everyone all the time. When I didn't, I felt I had failed. It bothered me if anyone in the room was upset. In social situations, I felt it was my duty to keep everyone happy and I would jump into conflicts that weren't mine in an effort to be the peacekeeper. I now realize that no one has the approval of everyone all the time. I now try to find the appropriate balance between being true to myself and being sensitive to others. If I get their approval, great. If not, I don't feel I have failed because I realize they have their perspectives and preferences, and I respect them.
Jason Parks,
in Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide For LDS Men


I am an admitted approval whore. It's like an addiction. Except, I'm not just trying to have the approval of everyone in the room, I want the approval and love of the WORLD WIDE WEB. It's been good to blog and have occasional disagreements with commenters because it shows me that I can remain civil with people I strongly disagree with. And I can even make strong statements to the right kind of person. And I try to BE the right kind of person that won't be easily offended, although it is my inclination to be overly sensitive and have easily shatterable self confidence.

It's something I need to work on, without a doubt. I value fair-minded and cool-tempered exchange of ideas, even if they are difficult or politically charged. Managing that when agreement is essentially impossible is worth working for.

4 comments:

Elbow said...

I applaud you and your research. I think it is very interesting. I've read a couple of Jason Parks books before, and at the time they seemed fine and all, but at the end of the day my struggles were the same.
Anyway, I like your posts and your commentary. I'ts informative and very thought provoking. I look forward to more -L- thought.

Chris (hurricane) said...

L: I am an admitted approval whore.

I am a recovering approval whore. :-)

I've spent so much of my life worrying about what other people think of me and hoping they would approve and validate my choices. Can't do it anymore. I feel far healthier and, interestingly, more available to the people I love when I take the time to focus on my own needs and desires.

Master Fob said...

I approve. (And what else do you need, really?)

Mitch said...

That quote could very well have described me. I am also a recovering approval whore :-) It took me quite some time to realize that there's no way I can please everyone.

Though I do still often find myself in the role of the peacemaker, I have come to accept that I may not be able to reach a compromise, and in the end, before I seek the approval of any mortal (or trust in the arm of the flesh) I should be certain that I what I am doing would keep the approval of God.