There's a thread on Times and Seasons in which Ben (Master Fob) is lauded for his courage in attaching his name to a recent Salt Lake Tribune article. Overly self-critical, I'm prone to take this as an indictment of my lily-livered reluctance.
I've been asking myself why I'm so inclined to stay anonymous. I feel good about myself and I truly believe I have nothing to be particularly ashamed of. I've mentioned a fair number of sins on this blog (being gay is not one of them), but none that have been unaddressed, and I suppose that's part of the beauty of blogging about it--it moves me toward resolution. I get value from being frank in this blog. I enjoy the candid exchange on topics that matter to me.
I've discussed through comments the pros and cons of coming "out" to my family and decided that it's not what I want or need right now. I'm here. I'm on the blog and I'm real. I'll do my advocating that way--advocating for gays and for Mormons to one another. There may be some future time when I want to put my name behind my words. I can see how that has potential to be more effective.
However, this blog contains the good the bad and the ugly. It's what I would have said, had I been Mel Gibson drunk. Everyone might say, "See, there are his true colors, we hate him, he's trash," instead of saying, "perhaps he fights every day to deliberately shape his thinking into what he wants to believe rather than the prejudicial way he's inclined." Well, I don't know much about the Mel Gibson fiasco, except I've seen no such charitable assessment. Blood is in the water and it ain't pretty. Do I want some version of that for myself in which people I look in the eye on a regular basis judge my suitability as a parent, my decisions, my beliefs, and my sexual situation?
Even though I love and trust them, I'm not too excited to have my family read this blog either. It's not how I would present myself to anyone who knows me regardless of the fact that it is completely honest. Unrestrained honesty is not always the best thing. When we confess and forsake certain sins, we don't do so before the whole world. So, I'm keeping with our family decision to stay anonymous while hoping to hang on to the value journaling through this journey gives me. And if, by chance, you think you know me, please respect our wishes by keeping it to yourself.