There was a ward picnic this morning and we all had a pretty good time. As I was playing with my son on the playground, I got a little bit frustrated because he is so petrified of the slide. Many months ago he had no fear whatsoever and people always commented on a what a crazy kid he was for it. But, for whatever reason in a toddler's maturation, he now is terrified of coming anywhere near a slide. And as I try to talk him into it (knowing he will love it if he can just relax), he looks at me as if I'm the enemy. He knows I want him to go down the slide and he knows that's not his own goal. What he doesn't realize and I can't convey to him is that I only want him to go because I know he will enjoy it. I don't give a flying flip whether or not he goes for any other reason. But that reason alone is enough to make him distrust me whenever we're near each other by the slide.
Then I realized an odd comparison when the ward starting playing football. My brother-in-law said before the game started that it was the ward's common practice to have a football game after breakfast on Labor Day. I told him it was my common practice to never play football under any circumstances. But what the hell am I so afraid of? Dropping the ball or looking like a fool? Big deal! I stood there next to the slide watching the football game and realized that I'm the same as my son. I have irrational fears and place limitations on myself because I don't trust.
6 comments:
a few years ago i started going to the eq's volleyball matches. though a little slow on the uptake i eventually realized that much effort was being taken to keep the ball a way from me. so i stopped going.
then i visited hyde park ward in chicago where the eq was discussing an eq book club [and no, it was not scriptures]
it's just a matter of picking the right ward.
santorio
I've done both--gotten over my fears and played football (or whatever), and found groups of men who like to do what I like to do. While the former has never been as bad as I feared, I have to say I prefer the latter.
I had near the same experience yesterday with the diving board. My one son used to love it and I’d near drown repeatedly catching him in the deep end (My other son has always been far more cautious). Yesterday, he got to the end and stalled. I talked him into it and he finally jumped, laughed, appeared to enjoy it as he used to.
I immediately asked if he wanted to do it again, and he, turning very serious, gave a stern “No”. What can you do then? I spent the rest of the time as a vicious "shark" in the kiddy pool.
Scot
I've had so many bad experiences with trying sports, I think it's a serious irrational fear that I'll likely have to do intense therapy to overcome. So far, I just don't want to overcome it badly enough to spend the time and money on that.
But that's an interesting parallel you drew with your son and the slide. I wish I wasn't so darned freaked out about playing ball.
Whoops - forgot to sign. That last post was me.
Unusual Dude
The other tricky part of the situation is that if I did get him to go down the slide reluctantly, I doubt he would enjoy it very much and his fear would have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think it's the same with me and football. I would endure it because it is "good for me" somehow but wouldn't allow myself to enjoy it. Afterward I would confess it wasn't that bad but I would secretly be certain it was a little bad.
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