Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Salacious me

After Beck took my last post personally, but before the ensuing satire and commentary on people being over-sensitive, I wrote to Beck privately and offered this assessment of the issue:

...It's really hard to know how to interact with other people, because the blogs tend to get so argumentative. For better or worse, people jump all over themselves to protect friends from other friends, to take sides. It's tiring to me.

When it's about pointing fingers and accusations and blame, it's perfectly understandable to feel attacked and defensive. I don't mind admitting that the way I wrote the post was borderline snarky, and the comments were edgy too. Bringing up "covenants" was relevant, but not tastefully approached. It came across as manipulative (if not accusatory).

And, for that matter, I'm guilty of being salacious on my blog myself. I known this. I don't deny it. But, I recognized a while back that it wasn't really right, even though people seemed to enjoy the humor and explicitness. I was one of the first to justify such use of edgy expression, and now I've started to see what kind of an impact it can have.

As much as I want to believe that I'm a grown-up and I can discuss adult things with other adults and can't be expected to censor and edit for every reader who comes along, I've heard complaints from real people that it has been disappointing and hurtful. In my less prideful moments I admit that church leaders have counseled on this very topic, and letting virtue garnish my thoughts unceasingly doesn't apply to some of my past approaches.

I knew it wouldn't fly to just guilt people into not using erotic pictures (despite that it appears to many that that's what I'm trying to do), but I thought a personal appeal from a long-time reader who has genuine interest in visiting your blog might persuade you and others to accommodate me. For many of us, blogging is a personal journey AND a way to encourage and uplift others. To the extent there's a community and resulting awareness of influencing others, it seems a reasonable thing to look at.

I know you've already said you will be mindful of me it may seem like I'm just beating a dead horse. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from and that I don't look down on you or hold myself blameless or anything like that...

In the words of a close friend, "I just laugh thinking about defensive, bitchy homos jumping up to defend one another." Well, hopefully we all got a good chuckle out of it. And, I will probably continue to try to carpet the world, if I think it's a good thing to do. Hmmm... maybe red shag...


playasinmar said...

Everyone deserves a good chuckle every now and again. :)

Beck said...

"Taking things personally" is something I'm very good at - it is one of my most visual and obvious characteristics of my being a drama queen. :)

I just want to go on record that I appreciate our friendship and look forward to more interaction on a less personal level (though I don't guarantee it).

J G-W said...

Whew! Thank goodness we've put that behind us.

What will the next tempest be?


Forester said...

I love this community. I often come here for support and understanding. I don't struggle with porn so a few salacious pics or comments don't bother me. In fact, since I don't have a problem with porn, I can look at it all the time.

PaweĊ‚ said...

nie wiem co tu pisze ale blog jest ql i widze ze musiales/as sie napracowac pozdro :)

Anonymous said...

No matter how one may try to maintain a sense of discretion, one can always count on insecurity to rear it's ugly head. What once was a kind of haven here is now becoming common. Although there is a suspended reality of support in the Moho Blog Sphere, the very nature of it's design survives by a cultivated brand of anonymous dialogue. It is at best, a limited medium for support. I think time being defensive here would be better spent interacting in real time in real situations. How much dialogue will it take to heal our wounds? I find answers in struggling in relationships that challenge me. The blog form is too easy. Accountability here lends itself too easily towards selfishness. I expect it always will.

Crow's View said...

I've learned some painfull lessons this week. And yeah I'll probably blog about this. But your blog sorta inspired me to share them.

I've had this good friend for almost 3 years. We both struggle. I've tried hard to stay in line with the church, he's slipped a lot, and is now at the point of giving in. I won't say giving up, because I hope that one day he will come back.

Anyways we used to be really close. Now I see that its almost harder for two guys who are LDS and struggling to stay friends if one decides to fall away then it is for someone to make friends with someone who isn't a member and dosen't share the same percived values.

I think thats the real problem here with these blogs. We assume that since we are all LDS that we also have the same values and beliefs, LDS values and beliefs. And when you hear things or see things from someone who says they are LDS but what they say flys against what we have been taught is right. We are stunned.

My friend recently read "Confessions of a Mormon Boy" and told me that I should read it. That it was faithpromoting and that he felt the spirit when he read it. Now I'm not writing this to say what I think of that work other then to say that three years ago it would have offended him as much as it does me.

I'm finding that more and more just trying to be faithful drives a wedge between us. Things he used to be diligent on are now things that I'm doing to annoy him or guilt him. Its not on purpose.

Anyways I don't know how much of this directly relates to your blog, but its the thoughts that came to mind.