I first want to just extend a welcome to all who came here through a Google search. You may not find what you're looking for, and I won't be offended if you leave. Feel free to come back and bring your friends when I do my post on penis enlargement.
I've been meaning for some time to post about sex, but I haven't known exactly how to do it. Understandably, there is some curiosity among single mohos about how a gay guy can possibly father children. Granting it's possible in the strictest clinical sense, is it something that robs a guy of all dignity to have sex with someone to whom he is not fully sexually attracted? How about with someone to whom he is not the least sexually attracted?
Well, the only way I could get myself to write this post at all was to speak only in vague terms about where we've been in our sexual relationship. I don't want to cheapen what I consider to be sacred and legitimate intimacy by sharing too much, but I do want people who are interested to have an idea of what it's like to be gay, Mormon, married... and sexual.
There's no question we were off to a slow start. I never kissed my wife before we were engaged, and even then I found that I enjoyed it less than when I had kissed a guy. This was not surprising to me though--after all, I'm gay. What surprised me was that I enjoyed it increasingly. I loosened up, thought about her rather than me, and things got better.
On our wedding night we had a family prayer right away. It seemed like an appropriate way to start a family, and without consciously deciding to, I turned it into an invocation for our sex. I asked God to bless us that the sex would be "hot and gratifying". Unfortunately, there were complications. [Shocker.] I even saw a doctor about this (who was, looking back, a complete moron). Viagra doesn't really help a healthy gay guy have straight sex, FYI.
Over the first couple years of our marriage, we tried different things to make sex more enjoyable--to facilitate things. We tried getting lots of books from the library about sex (I liked the pictures... hee hee), we tried toys (dice, edible whatevers, etc.), we tried lots of positions and circumstances. We conceded that our situation wasn't one well documented, and we were going to have to do some primary research of our own to figure out what would work.
And eventually the orgasms came.
I'd like to be able to say here that my wife turns me on as much as any guy ever could. But alas, it isn't so. And besides, what would I have to blog about if I were already at that point? I'll get there some day. The sex is enjoyable despite that, though, because we've both learned that most of the fun is in giving to the other person. I want her to feel every good thing possible, and it turns out that I do get turned on when she's turned on, despite it all.
For now we still have to be unconventional sexual partners--working out the kinks because we love each other and we're best friends. We don't have to have sex, certainly. And I think a lot of mixed orientation marriages end up being a version of celibacy. But despite the unusual amount of work that goes into gearing up for and making love, I think it's important. For one thing, people that have more sex are generally happier and more successful ;-). For another, they're healthier. Maybe Scot can whip through the primary research and provide a bibliography for that, but I'm pretty sure that's an evidence based statement (notwithstanding the screaming problems with the causal connection I'm implying).
Thankfully, our sexual encounters aren't like that creepy scene in Angels In America. I'm sure there are gay Mormons who might approximate that... but with some communication, open-mindedness, honesty, and commitment, sex has been "hot and gratifying" on more than a few occasions since my invocation. Even when the sex isn't quite as hot... there's always the cuddling. Mmmm... I'm gonna go lie down with my favorite person.