There was even a period when I no longer wanted the gospel truths I had been taught and grown to love to be true so the incongruities in my heart and mind would be less agonizing.... For a while, the only thing that kept me from fully following through with my attraction and seeking a long-term homosexual relationship was not that I believed I couldn't find some level of genuine fulfillment or temporal happiness in such a relationship, if it were loving and committed. Rather, it was the simple truth that I knew my having a romantic relationship with a man could never be eternal, and I didn't want to give my whole heart and soul and life to a relationship that could not last beyond this mortal existence. One thing I've always held a firm conviction of--even in my moments of doubt and wavering faith--is the eternal nature of the family.Ty Mansfield in In Quiet Desperation
And there you have it.
Here is such a succinct assessment of the conflict a gay Mormon faces, and yet there are still scores of folks who don't seem to get it. People think you can just choose not to believe the church anymore if its teachings make life harder. They think that a gay Mormon's choosing not to have a gay relationship is caving to an arbitrary and discriminatory decree from old-fashioned leaders who aren't familiar with scientific fact. They think it's giving up a part of your humanity for nothing but depression, self-hate, and denial.
No, it's not like that. It's having faith in eternal families--a principle that burns itself into your heart and isn't easily erased; a beautiful and inspiring principle that holds more joy than any other pure concept from life I've experienced. And yet, I too have wanted at times for it to be untrue because my deepest visceral yearnings pull me in another direction--a mutually exclusive direction that finds immediate joy in experiences that are antithetical to eternal families.
Ty is a smart guy. It would have been interesting to hear him speak at Evergreen Conference.