Landon. That’s who I am. But what part of that identity is necessary? What parts, if taken away would make me cease to be myself? I love my family, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt them or jeopardize the beautiful life we share. We are happy. And that happiness comes from many things, but chief among them is my faith that being married and having children is a situation that will persist outside this world and beyond death—something that I believe is impossible for me in a gay relationship. This decision for myself on how to deliberately address my cognitive dissonance in what I hope is the most honorable way is constantly called into question by life. By family. By peers at school. By yearnings that influence my actions like marionette strings.
And yet, I sit quietly at the back of the gay Mormon congregation. Everyone else may get up and leave. The chapel may fall down around me. But I have the authenticity I seek. The personal insight. The affirmation that what I am doing is acceptable before both myself and God.Index for A Congregation of One