Friday, June 02, 2006

Every blessing

...Those who earnestly seek to conform to the Plan are provided small miracle after small miracle until they are able to experience every blessing of the gospel. I have yet to find an exception to this rule. This puts me at odds with both those who treat men and women with homosexual feelings as though they were voluntary perverts and also with those who insist that there can be no genuine reconciliation between such persons and the highest standards of the Kingdom.

Carlfred B. Broderick

It's been very interesting to see the 600 or so comments on a couple posts about the First Presidency's request for members to notify political leaders of their position on the Marriage Protection Amendment. I even threw in my 2 cents, although I was way over my head. Well established commenters carry the day on those blogs, and for good reason--they had very interesting things to say.

However, like a mosquito buzzing in my ear, I kept being bothered by some of the comments. Understandably, people want to be empathetic about gay Mormons' situations. In that spirit, they would discuss the hopelessness of having no acceptable alternatives in life: no acceptable method for full sexual expression, unachievable expectations of celibacy, no tenable opportunity to change... and on and on.

The circumstances of gay Mormons are as varied as the men and women themselves. Why do we feel the need to find blanket solutions or make blanket statements against solutions? I love the above quote because it reminds me what faith really means. Small miracle upon small miracle aptly describes my experiences with this issue. And although I still have most of a lifetime left in which to deal with all my issues, I expect there to be a never-ending supply of small miracles.

17 comments:

Kim Mack said...

Nice quote. I, too, have experienced those small miracles upon small miracles. Given one at a time, they are so "small" they seem insignificant, almost. But when I put them all together, I have an amazing miracle over all. I am in a place today where I never imagined I'd be 10 years ago, all due to those small miracles. I bear my earnest testimony that his words are indeed true. Thanks for sharing it!

Another Other said...

I feel the same way, predictably. I have experienced a sequence of events that has allowed me to completely live happily, and that cumulatively are quite miraculous. In fact, individually, some of them are pretty huge miracles. And I, like you, anticipate that the font of miracles will continue.

Beck said...

What a coincidence... I just finished blogging and came up not exactly with the same sentiments, but very similar themes, ending with the word MIRACLE!

We do need to be mindful of the 'tender mercies' of the Lord in our lives. Sometimes I find myself stirring the pot because misery and angst seeks company - instead of being thankful for the amazing things that are part of my life around me - those small miracles!

Does that mean I'm void of angst! Of course not... I doubt I ever will be.

Kim Mack said...

I am void of angst. Hence, miracles.

Chris (hurricane) said...

I, too, am void of angst.

-L- said...

I'm not entirely. And I'm skeptical of you both. ;-)

Kim Mack said...

Just what makes you skeptical of me, L? Surely I'm not the only one choosing the church who's told you they're void of angst ... Oh yeah, I forgot, we're living a lie. ;)

AttemptingThePath said...

wow. you may have well just changed my life by sharing that quote, and your thoughts on it afterward.

thank you very, very much.

-L- said...

I apologize, Kim. I was mostly kidding since I really don't intend to criticize anyone's appraisal of their own situation. I am truly happy not only that you are angst-free but that you are an example that that is possible for me too someday.

When my counselor, who was homosexual and now is not, told me that he no longer has even an occasional homosexual thought, I was skeptical of that too. I think I've been convinced that full change is not likely in my mortal life and that without it there will always be some level of angst. I can live with that stay true to my beliefs and be completely happy. But to the extent that I'm wrong and angst can be completely abolished, GREAT!!!

-L- said...

Thanks, attemptingthepath. You've now made my day.

Kim Mack said...

I knew you were kidding - mostly. :) I also didn't believe it would be possible to still feel SSA and not have angst, but it's happened to me. I'm cool with that. And I didn't feel criticized. I wonder why we doubt when someone appears to have what we think we may want. Did that make sense?! LOL

Chris (hurricane) said...

L, you're skeptical of just about everything about me. ;-)

-L- said...

Hurc, that's not true. All winks and smileys aside, I'm a skeptical person and I think you and Kim are great.

Beck said...

Sorry to bring up the 'angst' word. I'm just being honest about my current situation. To say that one is without 'angst' makes me envious in a certain way - that there is hope for real peace.

At the same time, 'angst' can be a good thing if one uses it to work toward that peace. We all have things we need to work on, things that bother us, things that we can perfect within us. To say we have no 'angst' troubles me personally -for it means "I've arrived!" or "I've made it!" and the journey is through.

This journey is full of blessings and moments of miracles and peace, and even joy - but the journey isn't through!

Kim Mack said...

I'll clarify my angst ... I don't have it related to SSA. I have it concerning my finances. I have it concerning the way my ex treats me. I have it over my last two semesters of school. But SSA angst - free from that for about 3 years now. Like Beck, I expect angst to be part of life until I "arrive".

Chris (hurricane) said...

dictionary.com says that angst is a feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression.

There are many things in my life that I worry about. But I wouldn't say I have angst about anything in my life, including my sexuality.

Beck said...

How blessed for both of you... I'm glad you've found your 'angst-free' existence.

Though I don't consider myself 'depressed', and do have a sense of joy in my life, I still have anxieties and apprehensions, and thus must be a royal screw-up with many things, including sexuality, to deal with!

But, as L's original post implies... it's the little miracles along the way.