I'm a lot less ardent than I used to be. There are many reasons for that, but I'm still a little ashamed to admit it. I was raised to be ardent, and I've been active and faithful my whole life. But lately I've been feeling some laziness in my spirituality. I don't read the scriptures often and I seldom pray other than at meals and church. Our FHEs are sporadic and lame. I home teach still and enjoy it for what it is, and I still attend church and do a good job with my calling... but I've lost my spiritual moxie.
It would be an easy matter to set aside my faith and move on with life, if that's what I thought was best. But I've decided to believe and specifically decided that the alternative is not for me. So, I see my current lukewarmness as a bump on the road. Something that will pass eventually.
As general commentary, I've also always told myself that when I'm not living the gospel fully, I will never make judgments about its value. I stick by that, and so I'm in no state to shuffle through the tired arguments as to why the church doesn't "make sense" or why the historicity of the scriptures can't possibly be right, etc.
Having said all that, my marriage is as strong as ever... stronger? We love and cherish each other and I don't think I could face the world without her. Sex sucks. Or comparatively, anyway. I'll be honest about that... it's not all I would get were I to go after what my body responds to best. But, my life, my family, my ambitions... are all about a lot more than getting the best sex.
If I were to fall in love with and make love to a guy, as you have done, anon, I suspect my happy life would be shattered. So, I feel for your current challenge. You're in command of your own fate, so I'll decline to speculate on where your marriage will go from here, but I wish you the best in any case.
That brings to mind one of the things that makes my wife and I so close. She has told me more than once that she wants me to be happy. She's willing to divorce me and let me move along if that's what I think it would take as a gay man. Ironically, it's that willingness to give me up out of love that makes me love her and want to keep her forever.
Making one's way through this maze of life, there are many unexpected twists and turns. I'm going to try to avoid dispensing foolproof advice, recognizing that there are so many nuances that we can never even communicate to others. But, for me, trusting in God has led me to a place that is happy, and remains happy, even without God. Or, more accurately, God is here waiting in the wings until I figure out this current puzzle of faith, but I couldn't be where I'm at without His help getting here regardless of where my faith goes from here.