tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22877324.post115246356379533256..comments2023-05-13T04:50:48.956-05:00Comments on Keep Changing- A Gay Mormon Journey: A Congregation of One, part 2-L-http://www.blogger.com/profile/02854867259876731599noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22877324.post-1152657832998949652006-07-11T17:43:00.000-05:002006-07-11T17:43:00.000-05:00Mark, thanks for your understanding and compliment...Mark, thanks for your understanding and compliments. I don't really feel in danger of cracking right now. That's not to say that I have everything tidily figured out, but I can sense when I feel out of control and it has been better and better as my wife and I have become closer and increased in our understanding of one another. I face my stiuation every day, pretty much.<BR/><BR/>It's the loneliness I'm so glad I've left behind. And it's the loneliness I would be inviting back if I betrayed the person I love more than anyone. Anyway, that's what I think keeps me sane.<BR/><BR/>As far as the church goes, I know a little of your history from where you've commented, but I recognize that your story is still unfolding. I'm sure you've learned a lot through all of your experiences and you sound like an idealistic person. As often as the gay Mormon narrative seems to have a conclusion, I think we're all smack in the middle of an ongoing journey. I wouldn't judge you as having failed a test, I would just say that you've taken a different route and the destination (like mine) is still uncertain.-L-https://www.blogger.com/profile/02854867259876731599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22877324.post-1152620231089299322006-07-11T07:17:00.000-05:002006-07-11T07:17:00.000-05:00L:Thank you for sharing this, and your other entri...L:<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing this, and your other entries titled "Congregation of One". I understand a little, I think, the agony that one experiences trying to be a good Latter-day Saint whie not denying one's sexuality. Well, okay, I guess most of the time before I decided to come out I was in denial about my sexuality, but I tried to be open about it with my bishops. I was lucky in that almost all of them were really understanding and supportive, sometimes maybe too much I thought, in that I sometimes wanted to be punished for certain misbehaviour (masturbation, porn use). Ultimately, I guess that I came out because I could no longer manage the balancing act...I finally moved into a ward where the bishop saw fit to place me on probation for masturbating and using porn, a probation that was more like a disfellowshipment, where I could not take the sacrament, could not hold a calling, could not speak in church, could not pray. That about crushed me. I saw an LDS Family Services counselor, who was all focused on the masturbation and seemed to want to ignore my sexuality issue. Anyway, a few weeks later, around Christmas, I cracked, entered the world of depression, and was forced, finally, to face my situation.<BR/><BR/>I hope that you don't have to go through that. You have chosen a very difficult path. Whether I agree with it is irrelevant really; ultimately, I admire your choice because of what I assume is behind it: a love of God and a willingness to sacrifice yourself for Him. I guess from the LDS perspective, I failed in that test.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22877324.post-1152588229192437642006-07-10T22:23:00.000-05:002006-07-10T22:23:00.000-05:00Your experience here is exactly why I haven't felt...Your experience here is exactly why I haven't felt the need or desire to complicate things by going to my Bishop to address issues that he can't solve. And since no "grave sin" of worthiness has been committed (except in my heart), maybe I'm justified in holding back. Bishops are there to help, I know... I've served in as a counselor in two bishoprics and been part of discipline councils. <BR/><BR/>I brought this subject up with the therapist that I went to (the one time) and he confirmed his feelings that in my situation, it wasn't necessary to complicate things by going to the Bishop and outing myself with someone who may not handle it "correctly". Whatever...<BR/><BR/>I appreciate you sharing this experience and allowing us to know more about your saga. Thanks.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.com